Contents: 2006 Congress Syllabus Supplemental Handouts 101st Annual Session of the National Baptist Congress of Christian Education   “A Christ-Centered Congress”   “The Heavenly Vision: The Message of the Church” Acts 26:19-29   Baltimore, Maryland June 19-23, 2006    Preparing Youth for Christian Marriage - #8047.3 Department of Youth Development/ Youth Workers Division Gailya M. Watson, Instructor   Dr. R.B. Holmes Jr. President                                                               Mrs. Merrill-Jean Bailey, Secretary Dr. George W. Waddles Sr., Dean   Auxiliary to the National Baptist Convention U.S.A., Inc. Dr. William J. Shaw, President                                      Dr. Harry Blake, Secretary   Syllabus - Outline    1.   The Christian Marriage a.   What is God’s Design for Marriage                                                  i.      The First Husband & Wife                                               ii.      Divine Origin an Purpose b.    Who has the right to marry?                                                  i.      Who may marry…?                                               ii.      Who may not marry…? c.    Preparing for Marriage                                                  i.      Are you old enough                                               ii.      Do What is right                                             iii.      Spiritual Maturity                                            iv.      Count the cost                                               v.      Give up childish ways d.    What to look for in a spouse                                                  i.      Change                                               ii.      Looking for a mate                                             iii.      Spiritual Concerns e.   How to destroy or strengthen a marriage                                                  i.      Marriage                                               ii.      Reasons marriages fail                                             iii.      Reasons Marriages succeed f.      What God expects and commands husbands and wives to be                                                  i.      Marriage                                               ii.      Wives                                             iii.      Husbands g.    Marriages should glorify God                                                  i.      Created for God’s glory                                               ii.      Marriage for God’s glory                                             iii.      Marriage as an example                                            iv.      Marriage and Children                                               v.      God is Glorified h.    Preparing A Marriage Counseling Ministry                                                  i.      Getting Started                                               ii.      Sessions      PREPARING A MARRIAGE COUNSELING MINISTRY   In America, about one in every two Christian couples will fulfill their vows of “till death do us part.” Divorce rates within the church look no different than the divorce rates outside the church. Marriage is a life-long commitment that symbolizes the relationship between Christ and the Church. The church has a responsibility to make sure that the couples they marry are adequately equipped for the future lives as a couple. Marriage is a union that is highly valued by God and the Church and should therefore be taken seriously.             Most couples have gone through some sort of preparation work before committing their lives to one another; many would suggest that there is a connection between a couple’s type of preparation work and the outcome of the marriage. Here lies the church’s responsibility of providing quality premarital counseling in hopes of building lasting marriages and a better representation in the church. Marital preparation takes a variety of forms and can cover a variety of topics. However, they generally have the common goal of assessing compatibility, improving awareness and providing assistance to potential issues for the couple. GETTING STARTED Ø      What is Pre-Marital Counseling? – A form of counseling which centers around the interpersonal relationship of a couple, helps evaluate their relationship and acquaint them with ways to build a successful marriage. Ø      What is your purpose?   Ø      What are the criteria for the person(s) conducting the sessions? Religious leaders are a logical point of action for broad-based, premarital preparation efforts. This responsibility of preparing couples can be too large for one person to bear alone, which is where the church should utilize other members of the Body of Christ. The church as a unit needs to step up to the challenge and responsibility of preparing couples for life-long marriages. You must find qualified, educated leaders that are able to make the appropriate time commitments for the couple. * Note… Marriage preparation is also most helpful when presented by a team of providers.  Pastor, Minister/ Deacon, Mission, Counselor, Other…   Ø      Who could conduct your sessions?  Ø      What do you wish to accomplish for the couple?   The overall task is to help engaged couples examine their “total readiness” for marriage. This premarital education period is best described as “knowledge and skills-based training that provides couples with information on ways to sustain and improve their relationship once they are married”.      Ø      What do you wish to accomplish for the Church? If marriage is instituted by God, and He despises divorce, then the church and its leaders should be diligent in communicating the nature and responsibility of marriage before joining two together. Church leaders also have the responsibility to shepherd the flock (Acts 20:28) and guide them in paths of righteousness, which is part of premarital counseling. Because God is clear on how He values the marriage covenant, the church should have great concern for the quality of premarital work that is done with couples married in the church. Ø      What special circumstances should you consider for you particular church? Ø      How will you evaluate the program? Ø      What type of follow-up plan will you use?       SESSIONS Ø      How will you evaluate the needs of the couples? Needs Assessment - Questionnaire - Discussion   What type of sessions will you provide? Be sure you use a method that is effective, works for your church and community, and has long-term effects on the couple. Individual & conjoint Sessions – Conjoint sessions are more the norm now… by meeting with the couple as a couple; the premarital counselor demonstrates that he values not only the individual persons, but the relationship. This also allows the counselor to see how the couple interacts and presents opportunities to observe the couple. This also frees the counselor from being the keeper of secrets by having both parties present at all times. Weekly conjoint Sessions – effective tools of counseling… allows great one on one. Individualized counseling sessions allow time and privacy for a couple to get specific with the counselor. Premarital Sunday school class or group sessions - These are also beneficial when supplementing individualized weekly sessions, but alone do not provide for personalized couple counseling discussions on issues particularly relevant to the couple. The couples can group relate, react and respond in meaningful ways that would not be experienced in an individual session. The group dynamic allows for discussion and role-playing that benefits the learning and application process. Retreat - Weekend retreats are great, but only if the are complimenting a weekly session. Retreats alone do not allow the one on one time each couple may need with the counselor. Mentor Couple – The church can utilize its older, mature married couples to serve as mentors for engaged couples. A trained married couple has the benefit of experience when sharing with younger couples. Combination – Because there are benefits in both group and individualized sessions, a combination may be seen as best. The ideal way to structure marriage preparation in a church setting would be to combine the Counseling from a minister, a weekend retreat, and group meetings and/or having a mentor couple.   How many sessions will you provide be effective? Ø      A minimum of 6 sessions is suggested… Ø      9 sessions are idea…. Ø      6 months would be most effective        (One session should include the ceremony details, and one of those sessions should be post-marital to not only discuss issues that may have come up in their marriage, but as a prelude to “Couples Ministry” Ø      What will you focus on during each session? A lack of specificity can lead to premarital counseling that is haphazard and ineffective. Here are some suggestions: §         Spiritual Beliefs §         Identification §         Communication §         Commitment §         Conflict Resolutions §         Children and Parenting §         Family and Friends §         Expectations/Cohabitation Issues §         Idealistic Distortion §         Role Relationship §         Personality Issues §         Financial Management §         Sexual Expectations §         Marital Satisfaction §         Leisure Activities §         Whether or Not to Marry at all… §         Procedural Wedding Details NEXT STEP >>>>>>>>>                COUPLES MINISTRY   Support scripture for counselors: marriage: But at the beginning of creation God 'made them male and female." (Mark 10:6) ·         For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. (Mark 10:7-8) ·         So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore, what God has joined together, let man not separate. (Mark 10:8-9) ·         The disciples said to him, "If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry." Jesus replied, Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. (Matthew 19:10-11) ·         For some are eunuchs because they were born that way; others were made that way by men; and others have renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it. (Matthew 19:12) ·         It is good for man not to marry. But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband.  (1 Corinthians 7:1-2) ·         So I counsel younger widows to marry, to have children, to manage their homes and to give the enemy no opportunity for slander. (1 Timothy 5:14) ·         Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. (I Corinthians 7:8-9) ·         A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord.  (1 Corinthians 7:39) ·         Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? (2 Corinthians 6:14) ·         But those who are considered worthy of taking part in that age and in the resurrection will neither marry nor be given in marriage, and they can no longer die; for they are like the angels. (Luke 20:35-36) ·         When the dead rise, they will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven. (Mark 12:25) divorce 'I hate divorce," says the LORD God of Israel. (Malachi 2:16) ·         Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. (Matthew 19:8) ·         It has been said, "Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce." But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery. (Matthew 5:31-32) ·         Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate. (Mark 10:9) ·         I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery. (Matthew 19:9) ·         And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery. (Mark 10:12) ·         To the married I give this command (not I but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife. (1 Corinthians 7:10-11) ·         Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery. (Luke 16:18) ·         Like a bird that strays from its nest is a man who strays from his home. (Proverbs 27:8) ·         If a man divorces his wife and she leaves him and marries another man, should he return to her again? Would not the land be completely defiled? (Jeremiah 3:1) ·         If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. (1 Corinthians 7:12) ·         And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. (1 Corinthians 7:13) ·         But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. (I Corinthians 7:15) ·         If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. (1 Timothy 5:8) ·         He who brings trouble on his family will inherit only wind, and the fool will be servant to the wise. (Proverbs 11:29) adultery ·         You shall not commit adultery. (Deuteronomy 5:18) ·         Do not have sexual relations with your neighbor's wife and defile yourself with her. (Leviticus 18:20) ·         A man who commits adultery lacks judgment; whoever does so destroys himself. (Proverbs 6:32) ·         Why be captivated, my son, by an adulteress? Why embrace the bosom of another man's wife? For a man's ways are in full view of the LORD, and he examines all his paths. The evil deeds of a wicked man ensnare him; the cords of his sin hold him fast. (Proverbs 5:20-22) ·         Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned? Can a man walk on hot coals without his feet being scorched? So is he who sleeps with another man's wife; no one who touches her will go unpunished. (Proverbs 6:27-29) ·         The eye of the adulterer watches for dusk; he thinks, "No eye will see me," and he keeps his face concealed. (Job 24:15) ·         With eyes full of adultery, they never stop sinning; they seduce the unstable; they are experts in greed an accursed brood! (2 Peter 2:14) ·         I supplied all their needs, yet they committed adultery and thronged to the houses of prostitutes. (Jeremiah 5:7) ·         The lips of an adulteress drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil; but in the end she is bitter gall, sharp as a double-edged sword. (Proverbs 5:3) ·         The mouth of an adulteress is a deep pit; he who is under the LORD'S wrath will fall into it. (Proverbs 22:14) ·         This is the way of an adulteress: She eats and wipes her mouth and says, "I've done nothing wrong." (Proverbs 30:20) ·         Her feet go down to death; her steps lead straight to the grave. (Proverbs 5:5) ·         Keep to a path far from her, do not go near the door of her house, lest you give your best strength to others and your years to one who is cruel, lest strangers feast on your wealth and your toil enrich another man's house. (Proverbs 5:8-10) ·         For her house leads down to death and her paths to the spirits of the dead. None who go to her return or attain the paths of life. (Proverbs 2:18-19) ·         Say to wisdom, "You are my sister," and call understanding your kinsman; they will keep you from the adulteress, from the wayward wife with her seductive words. (Proverbs 7:4-5) ·         If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, but only a fearful expectation of judgment and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of God. (Hebrews 10:26-27) lust I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl. (Job 31:1) ·         Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. (Galatians 5:24) ·         For you have spent enough time in the past doing what pagans choose to do - living in debauchery, lust, drunkenness, orgies, carousing and detestable idolatry. (1 Peter 4:3) ·         It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5) ·         Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity. (1 Timothy 5:1-2) ·         Let us be self-controlled, putting on faith and love as a breastplate, and hope of salvation as a helmet. (1 Thessalonians 5:8) ·         Encourage the young men to be self-controlled. (Titus 2:6) ·         Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. (2 Timothy 2:22) ·         You have heard that it was said, "Do not commit adultery." But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. (Matthew 5:27-28) ·         Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control. (Proverbs 25:28) ·         Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. (Romans 6:12) Sex God blessed them and said to them, -"Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it." (Genesis 1:28) ·         For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. (Genesis 2:24) ·         So they are no longer two, but one. (Mark 10:8) ·         The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. (1 Corinthians 7:3) ·         The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. (I Corinthians 7:4) ·         Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. (1 Corinthians 7:5) ·         Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. (Hebrews 13:4) ·         Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well. (Proverbs 5:15) ·         May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer - may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love. (Proverbs 5:18-19) husbands He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD. (Proverbs 18:22) ·         Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy. (Ephesians 5:25-26) ·         For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. (Ephesians 5:23) ·         Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. (1 Peter 3:7) ·         Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. (Colossians 3:19) ·         Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. (Ephesians 5:33) ·         Husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. (Ephesians 5:28) ·         After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church. (Ephesians 5:29) ·         Under three things the earth trembles, under four it cannot bear up: a servant who becomes king, a fool who is full of food, an unloved woman who is married, and a maidservant who displaces her mistress. (Proverbs 30:21-23) ·         Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your sons will be like olive shoots around your table. Thus is the man blessed who fears the LORD. (Psalm 128:3-4) wives The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make  a helper suitable for him." (Genesis 2:18) ·         Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you. (Genesis 3:16) ·         Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. (1 Corinthians 11:3) ·         Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. (Ephesians 5:24) ·         Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. (Ephesians 5:22) ·         Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. (Colossians 3:18) ·         Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. (1 Peter 3:3-4) ·         1 also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God. (1 Timothy 2:9-10) ·         Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. (I Peter 3:1-2) ·         A wife of noble character is her husband's crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones. (Proverbs 12:4) ·         Houses and wealth are inherited from parents., but a prudent wife is from the LORD. (Proverbs 19:14) ·         In the same way, their wives are to be women worthy of respect, not malicious talkers but temperate and trustworthy in everything. (1 Timothy 3:11) ·         A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. (Proverbs 31:10-11) ·         She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. (Proverbs 31:25-27) ·         Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. (Proverbs 31:30) marriage guidance A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. (Proverbs 15:1) ·         Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. (Proverbs 16:24) ·         A man finds joy in giving an apt reply -- and how good is a timely word! (Proverbs 15:23) ·         A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver. (Proverbs 25:11) ·         When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise. (Proverbs 10:19) ·         He who answers before listening - that is his folly and his shame. (Proverbs 18:13) ·         A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks an insult. (Proverbs 12:16) ·         Do not pay attention to every word people say. (Ecclesiastes 7:21) ·         Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out. (Proverbs 17:14) ·         As charcoal to embers and as wood to fire, so is a quarrelsome man for kindling strife. (Proverbs 26:21) ·         A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping. (Proverbs 19:13) ·         Better to live in a comer of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife. (Proverbs 21:9) ·         Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife. (Proverbs 21:19) ·         A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day; restraining her is like restraining the wind or grasping oil with the hand.  (Proverbs 27:15-16) ·         He who loves a quarrel loves sin; he who builds a high gate invites destruction. (Proverbs 17:19) ·         An offended brother is more unyielding than a fortified city, and disputes are like the barred gates of a citadel. (Proverbs 18:19) ·         Better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a house full of feasting, with strife. (Proverbs 17:1) ·         Let your gentleness be evident to all. (Philippians 4:5) ·         It is to a man's honor to avoid strife. (Proverbs 20:3) ·         A cheerful look brings joy to the heart, and good news gives health to the bones. (Proverbs 15:30) ·         So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you. (Matthew 7:12) ·         A gift given in secret soothes anger. (Proverbs 21:14)   Twelve Marriage Killers By James C. Dobson, Ph.D. My advice to young couples is simply this: Don't permit the possibility of divorce to enter your thinking. Even in moments of great conflict and discouragement, divorce is no solution. It merely substitutes a new set of miseries for the ones left behind. Guard your relationship against erosion as though you were defending your very lives. Yes, you can make it together. Not only can you survive, but you can keep your love alive if you give it priority in your system of values. Any one of the following evils can rip your relationship to shreds if given a place in your lives: 1. Over commitment and physical exhaustion Beware of this danger. It is especially insidious for young couples who are trying to get started in a profession or in school. Do not try to go to college, work full-time, have a baby, manage a toddler, fix up a house, and start a business at the same time. It sounds ridiculous, but many young couples do just that and are then surprised when their marriage falls apart. Why wouldn't it? The only time they see each other is when they are worn out! It is especially dangerous to have the husband vastly overcommitted and the wife staying home with a preschooler. Her profound loneliness builds discontent and depression, and we all know where that leads. You must reserve time for one another if you want to keep your love alive. 2. Excessive credit and conflict over how money will be spent Pay cash for consumable items, or don't buy. Don't spend more for a house or car than you can afford, leaving too few resources for dating, short trips, baby-sitters, etc. Allocate your funds with the wisdom of Solomon. 3. Selfishness There are two kinds of people in the world, the givers and the takers. A marriage between two givers can be a beautiful thing. Friction is the order of the day, however, for a giver and a taker. But two takers can claw each other to pieces within a period of six weeks. In short, selfishness will devastate a marriage every time. 4. Interference from in-laws If either the husband or wife has not been fully emancipated from the parents, it is best not to live near them. Autonomy is difficult for some mothers (and fathers) to grant, and close proximity is built for trouble. 5. Unrealistic expectations Some couples come into marriage anticipating rose-covered cottages, walks down primrose lanes, and uninterrupted joy. Counselor Jean Lush believes, and I agree, that this romantic illusion is particularly characteristic of American women who expect more from their husbands than they are capable of delivering. The consequent disappointment is an emotional trap. Bring your expectations in line with reality. 6. Space invaders I am not referring to aliens from Mars. Rather, my concern is for those who violate the breathing room needed by their partners, quickly suffocating them and destroying the attraction between them. Jealousy is one way this phenomenon manifests itself. Another is low self-esteem, which leads the insecure spouse to trample the territory of the other. Love must be free and it must be confident. 7. Alcohol or substance abuse These are killers, not only of marriages, but also of people. Avoid them like the plague. 8. Pornography, gambling and other addictions It should be obvious to everyone that the human personality is flawed. It has a tendency to get hooked on destructive behaviors, especially early in life. During an introductory stage, people think they can play with enticements such as pornography or gambling and not get hurt. Indeed, many do walk away unaffected. For some, however, there is a weakness and a vulnerability that is unknown until too late. Then they become addicted to something that tears at the fabric of the family. This warning may seem foolish and even prudish to my readers, but I've made a 25-year study of those who wreck their lives. Their problems often begin in experimentation with a known evil and ultimately end in death—or the death of a marriage. The restrictions and commandments of Scriptures were designed to protect us from evil, though it is difficult to believe when we are young. "The wages of sin is death" (Romans 6:23). If we keep our lives clean and do not permit ourselves to toy with evil, the addictions that have ravaged humanity can never touch us. 9. Sexual frustration, loneliness, low self-esteem, and the greener grass of infidelity A deadly combination! 10. Business failure It does bad things to men, especially. Their agitation over financial reverses sometimes sublimates to anger within the family. 11. Business success It is almost as risky to succeed wildly as it is to fail miserably in business. The writer of Proverbs said, "Give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread" (30:8). 12. Getting married too young Girls who marry between 14 and 17 years of age are more than twice as likely to divorce as those who marry at 18 or 19 years of age. Those who marry at 18 or 19 are 1.5 times as likely to divorce as those who marry in their 20s. The pressures of adolescence and the stresses of early married life do not mix well. Finish the first before taking on the second. These are the marriage killers I've seen most often. But in truth, the list is virtually limitless. All that is needed to grow the most vigorous weeds is a small crack in your sidewalk. If you are going to beat the odds and maintain an intimate long-term marriage, you must take the task seriously. The natural order of things will carry you away from one another, not bring you together. How will you beat the odds? How will you build a solid relationship that will last until death takes you across the great divide? How will you include yourselves among that dwindling number of older couples who have garnered a lifetime of happy memories and experiences? Even after 50 or 60 years, they still look to one another for encouragement and understanding. Their children have grown up in a stable and loving environment and have no ugly scars or bitter memories to erase. Their grandchildren need not be told, delicately, why "Nana and Papa don't live together anymore." Only love prevails. That is the way God intended it to be, and it is still possible for you to achieve. But there is no time to lose. Reinforce the river banks. Brace up the bulwarks. Bring in the dredges and deepen the bed. Keep the powerful currents in their proper channels. Only that measure of determination will preserve the love with which you began, and there is very little in life that competes with that priority.   The Ten Commandments for Couples  1. Put God First. This is your first priority as a couple. Your second priority of serving each other depends on God being in first place. 2. Accept no substitutes: it is easy to form an image of what your spouse should be. You must love what is. 3. Honor each other: Don’t speak each other’s name in vain: i.e. depreciating the other. 4. Take time for each other: You must have a regular Sabbath. 5. Honor your parents, you’ll be parents one day. What you do towards your parents has everything to do with your character and what you are modeling for your children. Besides that, this is the first commandment with a promise… long life. 6. Encourage life, don’t murder. It is so easy to slip into harsh words… killing each other’s spirit. 7. Keep your marriage pure. The affairs start in the heart. 8. Don’t be a taker but a giver. Our society suffers and pays a huge price when people steal. Each one justifying what they are doing. It is the same in relationships. Theft takes place when one or both people in a marriage say, “I’ve given and given, now it is time for me to receive.” With that rationale all kinds of behaviors have been justified. 9. Speak the truth in love. Being truthful doesn’t mean you share every passing feeling. Speak what is true. Love always builds. 10. Learn to be content: don’t covet. This is a huge problem in America where the possession of things “the stuff of life” has captured the incomes of most struggling newly weds thinking that they need to have in 5 months what it took their parents 30 years to accumulate.